Perhaps I will find some solace in writing about how homesick I am. Only as I type out that sentence my eyes begin to swell up with tears so it is probably not working. Being abroad is hard, I left behind a life that I really love and each day that I am away from it it gets harder and harder.
I wanted my year abroad to be so spectacular and glamorous but as the days go by I miss home more and more. I am lucky that it isn't the place that I hate being in but rather what I hate is being away from the people I love. Whoever came up with the saying "There's no place like home" perhaps popularly known from the Wizard of Oz hit the nail on the head. I say this all the time but I can travel to the most amazing places in the world but it will pale in comparison to being with the people that I love.
I am just having a really hard time being away from those people and I find myself constantly counting down the days until my boyfriend visits, until I go home for Christmas and until my mom and sister come here and a big part of me feels sad that what I look forward to has nothing to do with Spain. I do suppose though that in terms of people visiting me here the reason I look forward to it is because I will finally be able to really enjoy Spain because I won't have to feel lonely or unwanted.
I mean I know I'll be more than fine, I am only here until the first week in February and I go home for Christmas in between it is just sometimes I feel so suffocated by how homesick I am, like my heart is broken from leaving my life back home and starting a new one here.
And it is strange because I am usually so good at adjusting and being away from home. I went to the Dominican Republic for months, Florida, New Hampshire and I was fine. But here, being across the Atlantic sans friends and family is painfully hard.
I try to seize the day, make the most of it and I do but there is still that voice in my head saying "What are you doing Antoinette? Why aren't you home? You know you are miserable". I just feel like my life consists of finding distractions that granted I so enjoy but are in the end are just distractions.
Sigh, maybe writing wasn't such a good idea, I feel a little worse but at least I got to say it to someone other than in my own head.
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My sweetheart, please don't be sad. When things are really bad, I call up to mind my father and think of all of the positive things he said and it helps. Melanie did the same and it helped her while all the houses around her in San Diego were burning. Try to enjoy the remainder of your time there. Jason will be there in a few days and you will be coming home for Christmas. We are getting tickets to Mama Mia which is suppose to be real good and we will celebrate. You are an exceptional person. Not everyone knows that, but I do and those who know you, know that you will shine so brightly and look back on this as the path to something greater. Love you so much. Hang in. I will write again later.
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